Open on a large banner that says “COMPLAINT’S FAIR” in big letters. 

Inside the gym, people hustle about stopping at different booths to complaining. Everyone holds a cup of Seattle’s Best Coffee. 

A lady holds up her computer in front of a booth labeled: “SPINNG BEACHBALLS OF DEATH”

Lady: "See?? Days now. I can’t do anything!"

A man animatedly engages a person at a booth labeled: “DRYERS” He’s wearing clothes two sizes too small.

Man: "One load. Really?!"

Seattle’s Best Coffee’s booth is completely empty. The workers smile eagerly but no one stops by. 

One lady pauses in front of their booth.

She takes a sip of her coffee and quickly moves on. The workers look at one another and shrug. 

VO: "Seattle’s Best Coffee. We guarantee you’ll love it or you can have your money back."

Open on a pristine, brand new facility. A sign says: “Seattle’s Best Coffee: Money Back Facility”. It’s silent. 

Inside, the place is in mint condition. Never been used. The inbox and outbox are clear. 

The complaints jar is empty.  A computer screen with a document titled: “Money Back Returns” is blank. 

One man, leaning back in his chair, bounces a ball against a wall. Another places a cookies over both eyes. A third pours a cup of coffee. 

Suddenly the phone rings. Everyone’s alert.

Man: "Everyone stay calm. Let’s not get our hopes up."

Woman: "This could be our first."

Man: "Alright, you all know what to do."

They all break. One person grabs a blank envelope.

Another searches through a drawer and pulls out a stamp. 

The third frantically unlocks the vault. 

Man: "Hello?"

There’s a pause. Everyone freezes. 

Receiver: "The is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Please –"

Everyone groans. One turns and walks away. Another punches the air. 

Man: "Sorry everyone. Maybe someday."

VO: "Seattle’s Best Coffee. We guarantee you’ll love it or you can have your money back."